I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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