69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
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I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
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I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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