I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
