As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
