Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
