My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me