I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you would pick up someone in the library
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
We are all done wearing pants today
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.