She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.