i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.