I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
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she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
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Then again, he has huge mansions.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet