im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
