Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
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As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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