I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
