I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
