i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
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What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
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Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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