The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
