why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways