Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT