I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom