The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
