sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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