A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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