I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
