Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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