I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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