yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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