im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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