so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
