my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
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