i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
