The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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