I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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