i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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