You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Dicks are not precious.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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