sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
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i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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