i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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