Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
