Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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