I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
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OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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