On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
