wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
