im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
