Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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