dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.