Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol