Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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