i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
