so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
