Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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