Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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