I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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