went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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