put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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