I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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