It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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