I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
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I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me