When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
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Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .