next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me