I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My vagina is officially offended.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina