I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.