Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.