Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
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I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
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They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..