He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."