god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
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Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
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The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived