i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
My penis needs a shock collar
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program