I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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